26–07–2021
if 6=3, and 5=4, 22=?
We’re all scared of being fake deep” aren’t we?
I blame motivational speakers for this, with their aspire to inspire so you require the fire for your desire bullshit. Now everyone is scared of sounding like that so we tweet our honest thoughts and end it with “lol” or “lmao” so we come across as the right type of introspective/observant but unconcerned. lol.
Since we are on the topic of depth, why do people say things like “don’t let your environment define you, find yourself”? You are literally defined by your environment, fgs. Or, when they say “don’t let so-so-and-so sickness/problem define you”? The spaces we exist in, the people we meet in those places, as well as the situations we find ourselves in (both good or bad) all play a part in our constitution. What do you mean by “don’t let ADHD define you”? It’s responsible for like, 90% of my personality. It’s why I am impulsive, and why I am constantly bored, and why I find it hard to make meaningful relationships. It defines me.
Nevertheless, here’s this year’s letter:
Hey Oluchukwu,
(yeah, we aren’t calling you J anymore. we like Oluchukwu better),
It’s another year in your life and you are tired. Tired of the grind and hustle and stress. Unfulfilled, without direction, without purpose, scattered just like that house above. Just look at your life.
Man, you’re 22. Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Two decades and some. It’s true that there are some good things going on in your life; like- you got a job, and your face evolved into a new stage of prettiness, but your mind finds it hard to stay on the positives. The bad things are too much: poverty, academic stress, the stress from the aforementioned job, being broke, and the constant ways the quality of life in Nigeria deteriorates, aka poverty.
You don’t have any strength left for active hope for this sham of a country. There’s some vestige of hope left at the back of your mind but you’re leaning towards serious pessimism every day. Maybe things will work out, they most likely won’t.
In last year’s letter, you were so excited because Sergio Ramos reached a hundred goals for Real Madrid. Now, he’s a PSG player . Raphael Varane is about to leave as well. Smh. It feels like time is running out, even though everyone says you have your whole life in front of you. You don’t know who put them in charge of your lifespan, but okay. On some days, you feel transparent because there’s no strength to keep up with the performance of life, so everything you put up to keep up with the pretense falls to the ground, leaving you see-through. You just feel stagnant and rooted in a bad spot.
But, you’ve come to understand is that life continues regardless of your feelings, so strap up, nigga. Go and hustle, abeg. Stop crying to strangers on the internet.
For today, just listen to music, eat beans & plantain, crack jokes with your friends, and respond to every single message on WhatsApp. It’s not as if the sadness is running away; it’ll be there tomorrow and the day after that, standing gidigba, no shaking.
Happy birthday Oluchukwu, have a great day. One out of 365.
