all we have is memory-making
all we have is now
Last week, I thought a lot about memory. It’s so wonderful how whole experiences can be revisited simply by thinking about them. All my activity and feeling, stored in my brain and accessible in an instant.
As my friends and I moved through the week, I felt acutely aware of the fact that we were essentially creating memories. It’s (painfully) obvious to me that we are in a very transient stage of life. Relocating, restarting school, starting new jobs, starting second jobs.
As I walk around doing my tasks and chores, the taste of impermanence settles on my tongue. In a way, it is comforting that this uncomfortable moment in time isn’t the end, but knowing that there is a lot of working and growing and living to do before I feel comfortable is also stressful.
Will I get comfortable? I truly don’t know. I have been antsy at every stage of my life, wanting more, desiring even more. All I know is that I have gotten better at balancing that desire with acceptance, with contentment, with enjoyment of my days.
As you get older, you learn a lot about the world, about people and systems, and feelings and politics and science and philosophy. But most importantly, you also learn a lot about yourself. Our parents were right, you really do change as you get older. They got that one thing right. Time is really something. It heals, it destroys, it mends, it dances, it changes you, it shapes you.
If we are all making memories, then it means that all we are is memory — the result of past experiences that have affected our outlook on life.
Everything we are doing right now is creating the past. And if we are creating the past, then we are also creating the future since that is just the past multiplied.
The present is the past. The past is the future. Cycles repeat. Time passes, marking the same milestones over and over again. Waves crashing on the beach. Not really different, but not entirely the same, just enough shifts to make our own stories feel personal and unique.
If we are making memories right now, it means that we are in effect, a culmination of memories. Time is a never ending stream of activity. Time is a never-ending thread.
All we have is now — to mark history’s milestones — all we have is memory making.
