How To Be a Hater.
day nine.
Everyone says they’re a hater these days. It’s one of those things the internet has adopted, like mental illness and neurodivergence. But, there is an art to hating, something the posers could never learn because they are too humble to learn.
If you are here with a heart open to education, then come — I will teach you the path to being a true hater.
#1. Hating is Natural: The first key to becoming a real hater is knowing that it is human to dislike things just because. Sometimes, you just can’t stand something or someone for no apparent reason. It happens. The problem is when you begin to think that because you have mean thoughts sometimes, you are some special oppressed person. Nah, leave that for creatives. Hating is normal — it’s not a talent or special gift. You are super normal so calm down.
#2. Acquire Taste: At its core, hate is just adherence to a certain code/set of beliefs — which most times is influenced by taste. Taste is not universal though, same way hating is. You must find the things you feel strongly about and build your hate model around it. Luckily for you tasteless-wannabe-haters, taste can be acquired.
#3. Be Patient: Hating is a long game. Cultivate your response, let the feelings bloom in your heart. When your chance comes, take it with glee and joyful abandon. But you must wait for your moment. Don’t jump at the low-hanging fruit — that’s for the posers. Let the fruit ripen, it’s sweeter that way.
#4. Find Logic: You know when I said that it’s okay to hate for no apparent reason? That’s actually for beginners. To really become a hater worth his salt, you must show workings. It doesn’t matter how convoluted it is, draw a path. In fact, the more confusing the better. When someone sits with you at a rave and they ask you what makes you tick, do you want to say “oh I don’t have a reason, I just hate people who wear skinny jeans”?? No. You want to say “I just think that wearing clothes that clings to your skin and defines every edge in your lower body is horrible style. You might as well be a skeleton.” That’s what you want to say.
#5. No Guilt: Hating is being proud of your taste and judging others for not living up to your unattainable standards. You can’t honestly do that while feeling guilty. You have to own it with your full chest. Do you hate amala? If yes, then twist your nose every time someone says they ‘crave’ it. They will twist their nose when you eat what they don’t like. In fact, they must. It is important to have an unwavering (even if ridiculous) belief in yourself and opinions on one specific subject.
Alright, that’s all for now. Go and pose no more.
PLEASE READ: I am making the decision to move this series to my Substack because I don’t want to clutter my Medium. I am attached to how easy it is to navigate my work here, and want to keep it that way. I will keep posting here until Sunday, 12th January. Please follow my substack here. I apologise if this is an inconvenience. Forgive me ❤
Oluchukwu’s note: I intend to publish something every day this year. Obviously, this is a herculean task for me (you all know how much space there is between stuff I have written recently) but I will give it my very best shot. I hope you will show up with me ❤
