Your Mother is not Abraham.
Some thoughts on Mother’s Day, and our attachment to women’s sacrifice.
There are about six hundred and twenty-seven Mother’s Day celebrations every year. It’s a fun time to post pictures of your mother and celebrate her while men on your social media feed scream “WHO WILL CELEBRATE THE FATHERS?” — bro if you’re that pressed, celebrate Father’s Day and leave us alone.
Anyways, today, Sunday the 8th of May 2022, is mother’s day in my church. In true Nigerian Baptist fashion there was a decent amount of fanfare, with the mothers wearing shining purple wrappers and white blouses. There was a gift presentation session and a drama about the role of Christian mothers in the home. I thought it was boring, and the only interesting part was that my mom played a male character named Bro. Isaac.
What struck me the most about the program, however, was the language used to qualify mothers. Mothers/women in our society are only viewed through the lenses of their contributions to others in society. They are resilient (which typically means they have endured abuse and neglect in their houses), they are hardworking (which typically means they continue to slave and work without assistance), and my personal worst, they are sacrificial (which typically means they have shelved their dreams for the stupid idea of a home).
Don’t get me wrong; I do believe mothers have a duty to take care of their kids and look after their homes. What I don’t think should happen is their identity as mothers taking over their persons and relegating all other aspects of their life to the background. Most men do not interact with their mothers/wives as human beings, but as ideas — concepts of toil and long-suffering and sacrifice. But our mothers are just regular people with their own quirks and dreams and shortcomings, and I need us to start recognizing that.
Back to church, which inspired me to go on this rant. The church is a heavy influence on society and these boring regurgitated teachings about what women should do and how they should act and how they need to sacrifice need to stop. Today, I heard sixty euphemisms for suffering and they were being presented as good traits. Abeg, suffering is not a virtue, your mother is not Abraham, stop looking for sacrifice.
So, here’s a suggestion: make their lives easier. See them for the people they are. Not the people that strive, and work, and do, and do till they’re broken. Learn what makes them tick; find the things that make them come alive and try your best to do them. Before I end, I want to talk about my mom. She’s made her own fair share of sacrifices and blah blah blah, yes. But today is for the real her — the one I enjoy — the woman just doing life.
I like the way she laughs. It fills the room and infects everyone. When my mom laughs, you have to laugh too. I like the way she says “orange juice” with a strong emphasis on the “ju” sound, as if to make sure, beyond all reasonable doubt, that you know exactly what she’s referring to. I like how she calls herself my “babe”, and the way she ends calls with “I just wanted to hear your voice.” I love her friendship with Aunty Matilda, her best friend. I am so grateful she found love outside the house, outside us. Mummy and Aunty “Mati” are basically inseparable. They show up for each other (Today, Aunty Matilda came to church just because she had to clap for my mum’s performance as Isaac in the drama), they talk for hours into the night (we live right next to each other) and they say “I love you” with deep smiles.
I love her passion for children. Personally, I don’t give two fucks, but as a teacher and school proprietress, she LOVES her kids. She’s always thinking of new ways to make them learn, to make sure they enjoy themselves. I love that she chased her dreams and did the things she wanted to at the end of the day. Next week Saturday, she will officially complete her Ph.D. program in Education Technology and she’ll become Dr. Olabisi Nwabuikwu. It’s been a long and difficult journey but she stuck with it because becoming a better teacher is all she wants. She already has plans to start another program in special education so she can better serve children with special needs.
I love that she takes her appearance seriously. She has a special wardrobe for wrappers and geles because it’s a matter of national importance that she comes correct at every event. And she does come correct. She’s a hot babe who knows it and is always invested in showing it. A stunner.
She’s an inspiration to live, in the midst of circumstances that don’t make it easy to do so. She’s a reason to smile and laugh till it fills the room. I love her, and wouldn’t change her for the world.
Happy (Baptist) Mother’s Day everyone 💜
